


we've lost it all

by shorttfuse



Series: multi-fandom mini-fics [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M, POV Second Person, Season/Series 05 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 15:11:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3696989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shorttfuse/pseuds/shorttfuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he leaves, and you find him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we've lost it all

**Author's Note:**

> fuck this show
> 
> title from You Lost Me by Christina Aguilera

you keep trying and trying and he just keeps breaking your heart, over and over and over again, and you aren't sure what's him and what's his illness and what the difference between the two even are. you're grasping at straws that slip between your fingers. you bend down to pick them up again but every time you do there's one less to wrap your hands around. a little less of him you're sure of. a little more of you that hurts.

he leaves, and you find him. you bring him home. this is what you do. this is who you are. 

you can't tell him not to go so he runs and you find him, coked out and listless and you aren't sure who he is anymore, but you bring him back and let him sleep in your bed and hope maybe now things will be okay.

you can't tell them the truth so he threatens to go and he's right. it's not bravery that fuels your actions, it's fear, and there's nothing more terrifying than letting him walk away from you again. you do what he wants, shout it to the whole bar, your wife and your son and your father. you're gay. you feel free, and you think maybe it will actually be all right.

you can't deal with it. you thought you could but you can't, watching him do this to himself, to you, and maybe it's selfish, but you need him. you tell him to pack his bags and he takes your child and runs. you find them and you know what you have to do. from here, it has to get better.

you can't stop them, so they take him away. you visit him, you wait, you hope, you say nothing while his siblings tear into him and shred every piece of his acceptance and hope into tatters, because it's the only way to maybe get him home again. everything else you are sure you can fix when he's back in your arms.

you can't get there before his mother does and he's gone. you sprint but you still aren't fast enough. you try but it's not working.

you can't do anything. you can't help him. you're not good enough. so he tells you to leave.

sammi chases you, and you run.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr @ shorttfuse


End file.
